The day started well enough with an incall booking.  We have a large luxury apartment near Marbella which is where we welcome clients who would like to meet a lady in beautiful private surroundings.


Presentation is everything

During the summer months I live on site to make sure that everything is “in order” as it’s important that the right atmosphere is created.  The apartment has a lot of visitors so making sure that it is clean and tidy at all times is vital.  Music, candlelight and drinks are also needed to create the right atmosphere. And of course a constant supply of towels and bedding is required.

Our Client for the morning was someone I shall call Mr Big. He is a regular visitor who enjoys the company of various young ladies. He is also someone that is very famous in certain circles, so privacy is very important. As usual we were up early to make sure that the place was all “shipshape and Bristol fashion.”

Mr Big has some interesting requirements, so I asked the lady he was meeting to arrive a little bit early so that we could chat through his needs while she changed and I prepared the room with soft lighting, a crisp bottle of white wine and lots of wet wipes…

This particular lady is not one Mr Big has previously seen so I wanted make sure that everything went smoothly.

Well before the appointed hour the lovely lady arrived, allowing us time to chat and get things in order a good start to the day. Everything seemed prepared. Excellent!


Everyone has a uniform

The booking was for two hours and as always Mr Big arrives exactly on time.  After a brief chat I introduce him to the lovely young lady and discreetly make my exit.

As I left the room I heard a “plink” on one of the phones. (We have several numbers for different adverts, locations etc). I found that I have a message from another regular. Mr Ed is back in Marbella and wanting some company for the evening with all his “usual” requirements, some of which are rather expensive. He wants it booked in the next ten minutes before he heads off in his yacht for the day.

OK, let me see who I have available for you tonight I messaged back. I have Lexi and Immy who you have met previously and I have 2 new ladies for you. Nayah and Steffi.

Just as I went to hit the send button the phoned died. “Darn, gosh! That’s a little vexing.” I thought. Obviously I had no negative words or thoughts for my colleague on the night shift who hadn’t charged it.

You could hear the expletives across the whole of the Costa del Sol!

OK, plugged the phone in. Eek it wont turn on!  It’s my life. My contact book and my business! In the heat of the moment I forget that everything on all our phones and computers is backed up to the cloud automatically four times a day.

OK don’t panic. It’s just a booking with an important client and the whole of my life…no sweat.


This is how cool I look panicking

So lets restart the phone, take off the battery and simply start again. Not so easy as the damn casing seems to be welded by some invisible force to the back of the phone. It’s a beautiful piece of design but not a single button or gap to give you a clue as to how to take the xxxxing back of the damn thing.

Right, call for help…on another phone of course.

“Mr Webguy its me. I need to get back to a client really quickly and I am unable to get the back of the phone.”

“Why call me? Why do you need the back off to talk to a customer?

“Never mind that just tell me how to get the back off!” Prolonged silence followed by an “Erm…”

Having established that being good with SEO does not make you good at changing batteries, I decide I’ll just go to the kitchen, get a knife and stab myself. No! Get a knife and get the bloody back of the phone!

Nooooooooooooooooo the Sotogrande phone is ringing.  Damdamdamdamdamn. OK answer it.

“Hello, can I help you?”

“Ello do foo ha a gall I coon met lonch?”

I run escort agencies. Let’s assume that he wants to meet a lady.

“Of course. What time and would you like to visit her. or her to visit you?”

“Boot 1 today and I kall on her, then we out. OK?”


Taking dic tation

Right-oh, we seem to be communicating. I talk at him for a few more minutes discussing which lady he might like, while attempting to use a large kitchen knife to prise the back off the phone, which seems to have been secured by some sort of mystical spell as well as super-glue.

As I’m talking I am listening to the grunting noises he’s making to determine if it’s a positive or negative reaction. He seems fixated on Ella and Madeleine, which is fine.

“What’s your name darling?” I asked

“My name is Highit” OK then!  I make the booking and contacted the lady in question.

“I think that he may be new to this. Just so you know. He was very specific about wanting to see you though. And he’s requested that you wear your highest heels.” I told her, just in case of misunderstandings later.

Success! The back of the phone flies 15 feet across the room, bounces off the head of the house cat and is pursued by my little dog. I fly after it at a somewhat more sedate pace.

Take the battery out, put it back in attach to the power cable. Message Mr Ed about Nayah. Phew! All booked.

The phone then conveniently rings four or five times while it has to remain attached to the wall with no back on it, so that I get “zapped” any number of times. My hair starts to stand on end in an alarming fashion. I think it’s the electric shocks rather than stress.

I hear the door bang and the Client leave…

WTF? It’s nowhere near time yet, what’s going on?  I make my way to the room, knock on the door and see a slightly dishevelled young lady sat on the bed.


Making tousled look hot

“OK, Mr Big left early what happened? A condom misunderstanding? Oh…”

I get her dressed, reassure her its all OK and know that I will have to talk to Mr Big later. In the meantime back to the phones…

As I’m making sure the young lady has everything she needs in the bathroom, we have a call for Marbella.

“I want sex now can I come round?”

“Erm, sure but let me see who is available first?” I say.

I then have to persuade him that no, we don’t have ladies on tap because we aren’t a brothel. No, I can’t just get the girls to all come down anyway on the off chance because I work for them, they don’t work for me. No I don’t have 50 girls available like some London escort agencies. And no, he can’t sit and have a cup of coffee in the apartment while I organise things!

Messages fly back and forth discussing availability and requirements. Steffi is local and can get to the apartment in 30 minutes. She provides all the services he needs and so we confirm the booking.

Now it’s a mad dash as we have been sorting all of the underwear and sex toys in the bedroom cupboards trying to make it tidy. So once again everything get stuffed back into the cupboards, the bed gets made and fresh towels are added to the bathroom. While the other girl is getting dressed and being calmed down.


Ready for action

Steffi arrives with just 5 minutes to spare before Mr Sex-Now arrives. He is staying with us for two hours and as I close the door after introductions, three phones go mad.

Mr Big is calling to complain…just what I need! As we are both busy we agree to use WhatsApp instead of voice.

Highit is re-confirming his lunchtime booking. He seems lovely but I get the sense there’s some special requirement he hasn’t told me about.

And a new client wants to discuss what languages all the girls in Marbella speak. It turns out that he only speaks English but likes women to talk dirty to him in a foreign language. I point out that they could be reciting Dr Seuss. He says he doesn’t care. I recommend Helena as she speaks more languages than Michel Thomas does language courses for. I’m sure she can find something appropriate for him.

The two hours that Mr Sex-Now is with us pass quickly. Aided I might add by a glass or two of red wine and the soothing purring of my pussy cat. Though my little dog is occasionally startled by the noises Steffi is making…

After a few hundred (or so it seems) messages between me, Mr Big and the young lady in question the problem from earlier is identified and resolved. It was simply a miscommunication, like so many things. The lady agrees that she could have handled things differently and Mr Big agrees that he should have behaved less like a petulant ten year old.

He books a four hour rematch. I consider whether cocking up every first booking and then over-managing the fallout would be a good sales tactic. I then decide to put the wine down.


A nice coffee before the next wave

Highit arrives at his appointment. This allows for a light hearted moment as Ella is almost 6ft before she puts on her heels and it turns out that the Client is a lovely but somewhat diminutive Japanese gent of about 5 ft 1!. He is thrilled and insists on taking a photo of them together which he sent to me but can’t show you!

Sometimes you just wish you could be there to see it in person. He’s lovely, the lady is pleased and after their date they agree to meet again the following week. Everyone happy! That’s the really fun part of the job.

After a fantastic and apparently vigorous two hours, Mr Sex-Now (who has been a perfect gentleman) leaves with a spring in his step and a big smile on his face.

Steffi has a couple of hours before she needs to get ready for another appointment. And Nayah is on her way round for a chat prior to seeing Mr Ed this evening. It’s still only 4pm and the day has barely started.

Just another day for a high class escort agency in Marbella.


Ione x




PS: This is a work of fiction. None of the people in this blog post are real, but they do not necessarily realise that.

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